Sitting here I am humbled. I am guilty of living life as though I were no different from everyone else. It’s easy to simple to stay back and not go share the Gospel to that person when you know the Holy Spirit is leading you. It is very logical that if someone is homeless and on the street, that you avoid passing them because they might come up to you and you would have to talk with them. Or they could attack you, rob you, or harm you. It’s easy not to care, if your heart is selfish.
And that is what I realized I was. Selfish.
Christ has called us to something different.
I don’t understand it, but why do we not walk around as those who have been changed? Why do we live in fear of what the world is doing, or the people of the world? Why do we cringe in our spirits and our hearts begin to beat quickly when the Holy Spirit is leading us to go and speak with someone or visit our neighbors?
The answer is simple and clear: We are selfish.
We simply are not willing to give everything up for the sake of Christ. How do I know that? Because it is true in my own life. Every one of those scenarios I gave above are true in my own life. There are times that I have clearly felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me and leading me to so something for the sake of the Kingdom, but I have made excuses or suppressed the leading of the Spirit simply because it made me uncomfortable, it would require work, cause me to go out of my way, cost me money, put my life in danger, and on and on I could go. What is the spirit I am speaking in? It is nothing more than a spirit of selfishness. I would have to give up something in order to be obedient to the Lord.
Isn’t that what Christ calls us to do anyway?
This afternoon I was listening to a sermon by Eric Ludy and found a video on his website talking about this very thing. Once I watched it, I turned my body around and kneeled down on the chair and lifted up my voice and wept. I realized that I was holding things out on God. That I was not willing to sacrifice these worldly and earthly things for the sake of His kingdom and for the Glory of His name. The realization of how foolish I have been and the conviction of the Holy Spirit came over me and confessed my sin of holding those things out on God and surrendered completely to him. Giving everything, my life, my job, my friendships, my earthly possessions and, oh how I cried at this one, even my dear wife and child to Him for the sake of His Glory. It was at this point that God brought me to the point of breaking, when I realized that it was not my life to live, but His. He didn’t give His own blood, voluntarily go to the horrible cross, willingly be tortured, nail pierced, hung, and crucified, simply so that I could live a happy and pleasant life here on earth. He did all of that so that I could live for HIM, so that HE could receive the reward of His suffering.
I am still being broken. I pray that God breaks me every day, because my suborn heart needs to be broken and my flesh will want to raise it’s ugly head. Please pray for me, that God would continue to break this area of my life and empty me so that I can be filled with His Spirit and follow His leading in joyful obedience.
I encourage you to check out this video by Eric Ludy. But be warned, you might be broken. I pray that you are.